


How Not To Raise A Lil Dude Yo

by SuperImposed



Series: Kinkfills: Drabbles and General Fills Edition [12]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Everyone is terrible at everything, Gen, Humor, Kinkfill, Pitch Superimposed/Kanaya's typequirk, child rearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-12
Packaged: 2018-01-15 10:54:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1302280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperImposed/pseuds/SuperImposed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I see a bunch of requests about Dolorosa struggling to raise the Sufferer.<br/>You know who else sucked at raising kids? Bro Strider.<br/>So, when the Dolorosa is first raising the Sufferer and is having a difficult time she thinks "HEY WAIT A MINUTE DIDN'T I MEET AN ALIEN GUY ON THE YE OLDE INTERNETE WHO ALSO HAD A KID I'LL ASK HIM FOR ADVICE"<br/>And goes and calls up Bro."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> http://homesmut.dreamwidth.org/8594.html?thread=14186642#cmt14186642

garralousAuspistice [GA] began trolling titanGamer [TG] at 3:14  
  
GA: Is He Still Refusing To Sleep  
TG: yes  
TG: i dunno what the fuck to do!  
TG: he stopped crying and hes fed and all but he just wont go to sleep  
TG: i dunno  
TG: what do your do when yours wont conk out  
GA: It Depends On The Situation However I Have Found Mine To Enjoy Holding Something In His Recuperacoon  
TG: hmmmm  
TG: one sec  
GA: …  
GA: Strider  
TG: yeah toots  
GA: What The Fuck Is That Thing  
GA: It Is Hideous  
TG: its all i got  
TG: got it on discount at the dollar store  
TG: besides he likes red  
GA: It Looks Like Genitalia With A Face  
TG: part of why i got it  
TG: hey look he likes it  
GA: That Is Just Ridiculous  
GA: …  
GA: Let Me Get A Better Look At It  
GA: Perhaps My Dear Signless Will Like It  
GA: His Previous Toy Was Completely Encrusted With Slime And Torn  
TG: heh  
TG: alien babe making a smuppet for her alien baby  
TG: theres a word for that i just cant think of what  
GA: Ironic  
TG: nah


	2. Chapter 2

GA: Strider Help  
TG: sup babe  
GA: He Shed His Exoskeleton today  
TG: yeah sure okay  
TG: and  
GA: Since Then He Has Started Crying And Will Not Cease  
TG: you throw away all the bits of his shell yet  
GA: I Disposed Of Them Yes  
TG: he start crying before or after that  
GA: ...  
GA: After  
TG: find a piece and bring it to him  
GA: ...  
GA: How Did You Know  
GA: ?  
TG: my kiddo gets mad attached to random stuff all the time  
TG: take it out of their sight and they cant deal  
TG: make it even harder if it was on him right  
GA: I See  
GA: Speaking Of Which Have You Decided On A Name For Your Wriggler I Mean Baby  
TG: i was gonna wait until he could talk and pick one of his own  
TG: hows insufferable prick strike ya  
GA: Strider  
TG: awww  
GA: I Am Somewhat Fond Of Daviat Myself  
GA: Although Wriggler Naming Is Completely Left Up To The Child And Their Lusus Here  
TG: wait so you named a kid where you normally wouldnt have  
TG: and then lectured me about not naming my kid where i should have  
TG: did we swap societies all of the sudden  
GA: I Do Not Know  
GA: But It Will Create Difficulty If He Does Not Have A Name Correct  
TG: blah blah big sitch  
TG: daviat sucks monkeyballs tho  
TG: hmmm  
TG: dave might work  
TG: okay lil dude i now dub the dave  
GA: Strider What Are You Doing  
GA: Close The Window And Put Him Down This Instant  
GA: Strider  
GA: Why Did You Smear Chalk On his Head  
GA: Is This A Normal Human Custom


	3. Chapter 3

GA: I Have Created A Clothing Design For Dave  
GA: I Am Not Certain Of Your Measuring System But Surely You Will Be Able To Work It Out  
TG: preciate it chica but theres just one snag  
TG: i dont sew  
GA: So  
GA: You Will Ignore My Hard Work And Effort  
TG: yeah well  
GA: Strider  
GA: My Eyes Are Starting To Blur  
TG: oh fuck  
GA: Why Would You Do This To Me  
TG: fuck fuck fuck  
GA: I Thought We Had Something  
TG: fine  
TG: ill make the stupid outfit  
GA sent you the file AnOutfitForDaviat1.jpg  
TG: jpeg really  
TG: and his names not daviat  
TG: and what do you mean one we dont need more than one  
GA: I Will Of Course Be On Hand Should You Require Any Direction As You Work  
TG:  
TG: did  
TG: did you just use fucking crocodile tears on me  
GA: Im Sure I Have No Idea What You Mean


	4. Chapter 4

GA: Strider I Do Not Think It Will Work  
TG: why not  
GA: Because I Am Incapable of Rapping And So Will Be Unable To Teach Him  
GA: And I Am His Only Source  
TG: too bad  
GA: I Should Have Studied The Trollmanity Classics More  
TG: i hope to god youre being serious  
TG: hey  
TG: can the lil man read yet  
GA: No  
TG: oh really  
GA: I Am Not Letting Your Talk To Him  
TG: awww why not  
GA: Is Daviat Old Enough To Troll Yet  
TG: naw sis  
TG: illiterate for life yo  
GA: I See  
GA: So He Is Just Going Over That Pulped Tree Printed Word Tablet For The Pictures  
TG: right  
GA: Despite The Fact That It Has None  
TG: krsh  
TG: sorry krsh i krsh cant krsh hear krsh you  
TG: must be krssssshhhhh going through a krsssh tunnel  
GA: Strider  
GA: Fake Static Only Works On A Long Distance Telecommunication Device  
TG: words words words  
TG: trolls have so many words for things  
TG: you mean a phone right  
GA: If You Want To Be High Class Yes  
TG: this is priceless


End file.
